am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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