Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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