..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
