i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
