Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Randomize
