____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
