I want to walk on stilts...naked
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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