I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Rumble strips road head = magical
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
