:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
