Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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