So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
