yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
