i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Randomize
