Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
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