Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
