She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
