do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
