I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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