garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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