My underwear smells like fireworks.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Randomize
