his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
