Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
