We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
