White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I need a hoe opinion
go on
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
