I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
