drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
We are all done wearing pants today
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