Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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