I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
When did angry sex become our thing?
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
