I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
where does the pee come out of this thing
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
