the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize
