so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
