I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
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