I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
