I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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