I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
