looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Randomize
