Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
