Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Randomize
