Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Randomize
