He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
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