Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
