Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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