I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
