I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
