Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
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