turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Randomize
