redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
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