i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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