Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
