Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Randomize
