I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
