I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Randomize
