WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
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