I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
The ass gains better be worth it
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